Feeling Unworthy? A Guided Meditation to Soothe Shame and Self-Judgment
Listen on: Apple | YouTube | Spotify
Ad-free episode (exclusively available to members of Somatic Healing Hub)
Feeling Unworthy? A Guided Meditation to Soothe Shame and Self-Judgment
Feeling unworthy, or believing that we're somehow fundamentally flawed, bad, or not good enough, is one of the most common core wounds I encounter in my work. And this deeply painful sense of unworthiness often underlies many of the patterns we struggle with, including perfectionism, people-pleasing, self-doubt, social anxiety, overthinking, overfunctioning, and self-sabotage, just to name a few.
When we carry a deep sense of unworthiness, we often spend enormous amounts of energy trying to avoid the pain of it. We might work tirelessly to prove ourselves, become highly sensitive to criticism, or constantly worry about disappointing other people. And even when we understand these patterns intellectually, we may find ourselves repeating them over and over again.
I know this experience intimately. I used to have such a shame-based sense of self that seemingly small things could trigger an overwhelming spiral of shame and self-judgment. My whole stomach would tighten, my breath would become shallow, and I'd be flooded with thoughts like "I'm bad." Suddenly, memories of mistakes I'd made years ago would come rushing back, seemingly proving that I really was a bad person.
And what made this experience so painful was that it didn't feel like feelings of unworthiness were being triggered within me. It truly felt like I was bad, and that was a fact.
This is one of the painful ways shame and self-judgment can reinforce one another. When we feel unworthy, our minds often begin searching for evidence to explain or justify that feeling. We remember mistakes we've made, ways we've disappointed people, or times we haven't lived up to our own expectations. And the more harshly we judge ourselves, the more convincing our feelings of unworthiness become.
Why We Begin with Nervous System Regulation
These patterns of unworthiness can become deeply ingrained in our bodies, nervous systems, and subconscious psyches. And when something triggers that old wound, we can find ourselves automatically responding with shame, anxiety, overwhelm, or an urgent need to escape the discomfort.
For many of us, these patterns began early in life, when we experienced situations that were too stressful or painful for us to fully process. Over time, our nervous systems can become increasingly sensitive and reactive, responding to ordinary situations with levels of stress, fear, or shame that don't necessarily match what's happening around us.
And this is where nervous system regulation can be so helpful.
Regulation is largely about helping our nervous systems experience safety through our bodies so that we can move out of habitual stress responses and return to more flexible, functional ways of responding to life.
In this meditation, we'll practice gently connecting with our feelings of unworthiness and then shifting our awareness toward the safety and support available to us in the present moment. By moving back and forth between these experiences, we can begin to regulate the automatic nervous system responses associated with feeling unworthy.
Through repeated practice, we can build our capacity to be with these difficult feelings without becoming so overwhelmed by them. Our nervous systems can gradually become less sensitive and reactive, and we may find ourselves less easily pulled into those familiar spirals of shame and self-judgment.
This takes time, but the effects are cumulative. As our nervous systems become more flexible and functional, we begin to have more choice in how we respond when old patterns are activated. And this can be incredibly empowering, especially when we've spent much of our lives feeling as though our emotional reactions are beyond our control.
Creating Safety for Deeper Healing
Regulation can be transformational all on its own. It can help us begin to shift unconscious, automatic patterns that have been with us for an incredibly long time.
But regulation also lays the foundation for deeper emotional healing by helping us create more internal safety.
When our nervous systems are easily overwhelmed by shame or feelings of unworthiness, it can be difficult to access and process the deeper wounds underneath those feelings. Our protective parts may keep us disconnected from experiences that still feel too painful or threatening.
As we build our capacity for regulation, we can begin to approach these deeper parts of ourselves with greater safety, awareness, and compassion. And this creates the conditions for deeper emotional processing and healing.
About This Meditation: Soothing Shame and Self-Judgment with Havening
This is the first meditation in my three-part Healing Unworthiness Series, where we're working through the 3 R's of transformational healing: Regulate, Roots, and Re-Orient. I introduced this framework in the previous episode, Why Haven't I Healed This Yet?, and over these three meditations, we'll explore how to regulate our nervous systems, heal the deeper roots of unworthiness, and reorient toward a greater felt sense of our own intrinsic worth and goodness.
In this first meditation, we're focusing on regulation, using a gentle somatic technique called Havening. Havening uses soothing touch, typically gentle stroking of the arms, hands, or face, to help calm the nervous system and reduce our stress responses. It's thought to help reduce activity in the amygdala, the part of our brain involved in detecting threats, although research into its specific neurological effects is still developing.
We'll gently connect with feelings of unworthiness and then shift our attention toward the soothing sensations of Havening and other present-moment experiences of safety and support. By moving back and forth in this way, we're practicing regulation while these old feelings are activated, helping our nervous systems learn to respond to them with less overwhelm and reactivity.
With repeated practice, this can help us become less easily triggered by feelings of inadequacy, shame, and self-judgment, while developing a greater capacity to be present with ourselves when these difficult feelings arise. And as we build more internal safety, we're also preparing ourselves for the deeper emotional healing we'll explore in the next two meditations.
Try the Guided Meditation To Soothe Shame and Self-Judgment now!
Episode timing:
00:00 - Why Feeling Unworthy Can Be So Hard to Heal
06:17 - Regulating Meditation For When You Feel Unworthy (using Havening)
34:04 - Conclusion and Reflections
Related: More Somatic Regulation Practices
Learn more about Havening Techniques and the science behind them
Havening Techniques® is a registered trademark of Ronald Ruden, 15 East 91st Street, New York. www.havening.org
How did you like this Regulating Meditation to Soothe Shame and Self-Judgment?
How do you feel now? And what shifted within?
➡️ If you enjoyed this episode, I would love it if you would subscribe, rate, and review this podcast!
And please join me every Friday on this beautiful journey out of your head and into your more embodied and authentic self. 🩷🩷🩷
Thanks so much for joining me today!
Subscribe, Rate and Review: Apple | Spotify
Enjoy more like this: Havening Exercises, Regulation Exercises
Hey, I’m Karena!
I’m a somatic emotional healing coach here to help you quickly identify and heal the subconscious blocks, old emotional wounds and self-sabotaging core beliefs that are holding you back!
Want to go deeper? Sign up for the Feel it to Heal it Mini-Course now!
Learn a body-centered approach to deep healing + wake up to the wisdom within!