how to be more authentic - 5 simple steps to free your true self in this fake world
We all have a deep longing to be authentic. Which is just to say, we all want to be free to be ourselves. We long to express our true essence - without having to contort ourselves or hide parts of ourselves.
But, somewhere along our winding path of life, we’ve internalized the belief that we aren't good enough as we are. Society and our families have given us so many messages of who we "should" be and how “we’re supposed to” act to be valuable - that we've forgotten the essence of our true self. We've disconnected from our hearts.
We've repressed and denied our own feelings, needs, and desires. We’ve tried so hard to become what we thought everyone else wanted us to be – that often times we’ve lost ourselves in the process! We long so deeply to be free, but we don’t know how to be more authentic.
Trying to be what we think people want us to be has become a habit.
I don’t think that there are “authentic” people and “fake” people – I think we all want to be authentic and are doing our best – but trying to be what we think other people want us to be has become a habit for many of us! This is especially true of us sensitive souls! We discovered early on that we were different – and often times our perceptiveness and sensitivity got us criticized, punished, reprimanded … so we began to shut ourselves down. And we tend to be so good at placating people – that that often feels like the easiest choice! We’re tender-hearted and tuned in to the needs of those around us, so we often put their needs before our own.
But this is a losing battle …
Constantly hiding our true selves can sometimes feel like the easier choice, but deep down it eats away at us … For one thing, it’s an exhausting and unfulfilling way to live! It also degrades our sense of self-worth … it disconnects us from our hearts, our desires, our needs, and our feelings … we experience this habit as self-rejection … and even though it seems like people pleasing would be good for relationships, this inauthenticity actually creates distance between us and the people around us. When we hide our true selves, we cut ourselves off from the possibility of being loved and seen for who we truly are … and that creates a deep sense of loneliness within us. We think our masks will save us from being judged and criticized … but they actually prevent us from ever being seen as who we truly are …
So … how do we be more authentic?!?!
Here’s a simple 5-step process to free your true self in this fake world:
Step 1: Understand what is preventing you from being authentic.
A struggle for a lot of people who are trying to learn how to be more authentic is that they have been disconnected from their feelings, needs and desires for so long that they hardly know what they truly want anymore! So … anything that you can do to reconnect with your awareness of your true self is going to help you be more authentic! I especially think it’s important to understand what is preventing you from being authentic in the first place. To do this, think of a situation in your life right now where you never seem to feel like yourself. As you think of this situation, answer these questions for yourself – and be as honest as you can! Don’t edit yourself – just vent!
I’m not being true to myself in this situation because …
I have to try to be something I’m not or else …
Pretending to be something I’m not protects me from …
If I let down this façade, I’ll…
I could truly be myself if only …
What I’m really afraid of is …
This reminds me of a time when …
Deep down what I really long for is …
Step 2: Have compassion for yourself.
Using Step 1 to grow in self-awareness is great! When you have more awareness around your thoughts, feelings, emotions, needs, desires, motivations and behaviors you can understand more deeply who you truly are! BUT ... if you judge or criticize yourself for your honest answer to the questions in Step 1, you will immediately shut yourself down again! Self-judgment breeds more self-judgment. Self-rejection breeds more self-rejection. And as long as you're judging or rejecting parts of yourself, you'll try to hide these parts from the world ... and the cycle of inauthenticity will just repeat itself!
So … self-compassion is a cornerstone of you freeing your true self!
Not only that ... but SELF-COMPASSION IS WHAT YOU DESERVE! That is totally true! You are a tender-hearted human doing your best! You do NOT deserve rejection, judgment, criticism, or belittling! You do not deserve to spend your life trying to be something you are not in order for people to like you! You are beautiful and unique and the more you express that, the more you fulfill your destiny in this world. But, I know that can be hard to believe ... so let's move to Step 3!
Step 3: Release the limiting beliefs that tell you you’re not good enough as you are.
Close your eyes and imagine that there is a bubble floating out in front of you. Inside that bubble is a magnet. That magnet is going to pull all of the energy that tells you that you aren't good enough out of your space and into that bubble.
What does that energy look like in that bubble? Where did those messages come from? How does it feel to release that energy into the bubble?
Now imagine that there is a tube of light that goes from this bubble into the center of Mother Earth. This tube is going to help you release any of this energy that you don’t want anymore! Any of this energy that is limiting you or untrue to you begins to fall down this tube of light. (Mother Earth can compost it and turn it back into pure life force energy for the planet, so don’t feel bad about letting it go.) Notice how the bubble is shifting and how that feels to you.
Now let’s go on to Step 4!
Step 4: Tune in to your true essence!
To release even more of this energy, keep imagining that bubble in front of you. Now I want you to imagine that your Highest Self (your Spirit) is standing next to this bubble. Your Highest Self begins filling this bubble with your truest essence – the part of you that is real, authentic and beautiful!
What does your true essence look like to you? What begins to happen to the energy in this bubble? The truth of your essence is far more powerful than the energy of your insecurities. So, as this bubble fills with your true essence more and more of that energy that told you you needed to be different than you are begins to melt away. Watch until the entire bubble is full of your true essence! Then imagine that you can drop the tube of light off of this bubble.
Now bring this bubble towards you and let it come into your heart. Your heart begins to absorb this beautiful, nourishing energy and then that energy begins to radiate to all parts of your body! How does that feel? What do you notice as this energy fills your body?
Step 5: Ask yourself how you might be more authentic in this situation now.
Thinking of the situation again (but from a new perspective!) –make a list of other options that may be available to you. What are other ways you could behave? Can you imagine supporting yourself and your truth in a different way? How might you look at this scenario differently now? Again – brainstorm the answers to these questions without editing yourself! Allow yourself to entertain possibilities that may not even be realistic – this is just for your own benefit! Now, reflect on your new options and notice if any of them make your heart feel lighter. These are options worth considering! Remember, if you want to know how to be more authentic in this situation, you need to follow your heart and your inspiration … instead of trying to do what you think you “should” do!
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There you go! Try these 5 simple steps anytime that you're feeling like you've lost touch with your true essence! (It happens to all of us from time to time!) Let me know how this process worked for you in the comments below!!!
About me
Hey, I’m Karena!
I’m a Certified Regenerating Images in Memory (RIM®) Facilitator.
I’ve become known for helping my clients and students quickly identify and heal the subconscious blocks, old emotional wounds and self-sabotaging beliefs that are holding them back!
Want to learn how to communicate with your subconscious?